This is the time where we are really going deep into the whole attraction process, and breaking down the system as a simple, yet understandable, sequence of events that when done right, trigger sexual attraction in the girl you’re talking to.
When we’re talking about body language, most people have a really broad, basic understanding of it’s mechanics, and don’t really understand that body language is a tool that can be used to influence or alter other people’s behavior. In the dating world, it’s well known that over 70% of communication is non-verbal, and in the next few posts, I’ll be going over the importance of non-verbal communication as a whole, which includes body language, eye contact, physical touch and vocal tonality. All of these variables make a huge difference when you’re talking to people, but their subconcious nature makes them unknown to us in our everyday lives. Ofcourse, there’s books. There’s hundreds upon thousands of books out there on body language, but our goal is to make it comprehendable, and plus, who wants to sit down and read a thousand hours of neuro linguistic programming, without getting any practical information out of it?
Let’s break it down.
Body language can be seperated into two major groups, divided into two categories each.
Dominant / Submissive
Positive / Negative
Dominant and Submissive body language are things for a later post, but in essence, they’re how you portray your posture, whether you’re a person who’s dominant, e.g. taking up more space, owning a room with your voice, having the fearless attitude and exposing vulnerable parts of your body, leaning back with hands on your head (also known as the know-it-all posture) and so on. Examples of dominant body language? Look at any politician, any huge public figure with major influence, any huge influence coach. They all adapt some form of dominant body language, which helps them in their business enviroments and overall interactions. Some forms of submissive body language can include cringing your body to appear smaller and less-threatening, defensive postures like crossing your arms, hunched shoulders, bowing down with your head and so on.
We will be diving deeply into dominant and submissive body language in a later post, since they’re also a major part of attraction and your everyday encounters with people, but for now, let’s look at the body language cues that are tools to seduce any woman you meet.
Positive vs Negative Body Language
I’m going to get straight to the point here and tell you the main differences between the two. When we talk to people, our subconcious instincts tell us to do one of two things – invest more, with giving positive body language, or turn back away, giving negative body language. We give PBL when we hear something we want to hear, and that makes us happy. We give NBL to subconciously “shield” ourselves from that which we don’twant to hear. Positive body language, unlike it’s name, is a very bad thing when it comes to attracting women. Why? Because it projects neediness, and that’s the number 1 charisma killer. Giving someone positive body language means exposing yourself to them, giving all your positive energies and auras to them, without them having to do any of the work. I want you to think of some examples now. Imagine any television character that’s been portrayed as creepy, eerie or even weird. In TV shows, mainly comedy shows, the way they visualize creepy characters is by having them give out too much positive body language. I’m sure everyone knows this, but I’ll give the example with the guys from “Night Of The Roxbury”
These guys are pretty funny, and one thing they get correctly with their act is that they give super positive body language, e.g. facing girls fully with their bodies, basically humping on girls and so on. They go to the extreme to show this negative component of giving too much positive body language when speaking with girls. This is just a common example of a comedy show portraying certain characters as needy, creepish (to girls) and downright filling the ridiculous stereotype of insecure guys and hyperbolizing it.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard this before, but in certain model shoots, for example porn, they’ll even go into photoshop and dilate the girls pupils, which signals arousal, and even though you think guys wouldn’t even care to look at her eyes, these are all signals we recognize subconciously, and they do alter our behaviour.
Now, jumping in negative body language, I want you to understand that this is your only real tool to build attraction. Without it, you have a ton of convincing to do, and I’ll explain what I mean by that. If you’re not using your body language properly, you’ll not be able to speak to a girls emotional brain correctly, which will result in no attraction. For example, when a guy goes up to a girl and shoots a pick-up line at her, the odds of it working are proportional to the ammount of negative body language he’s giving her. When a guy really believes his pick-up line will work, chances are, it will work, because your brain acts accordingly and shifts your body the way it should be facing. You cannot really “convince” a girl to be attracted to you. Most women make their decisions based on their emotions, not their logic, meaning mastering negative body language will not make girls think they’re attracted to you, it’ll make them feel like they’re attracted, and that’s a whole ‘nother story. So yeah, drop the idea of trying to convince girls they should be attracted to you, because it just doesn’t work. Your verbal content is only 20% of all communication between you two, and verbal content has to be processed by your logical brain, so in order for a girl to even understand what you’re saying, she has to use her logical brain, which means she can’t use her emotional brain to start the process of attraction. The bottom line is if a woman is logically listening to what you’re saying, there is no way she can be attracted to you. If you don’t know anything about body language and you try to convince a girl to like you, with for example, routines, pick-up lines you’ve seen on the internet, or just approaching her with the idea of wanting something from her, you’re fvcked. Or for example, there are guys out there that think showing sensitivity will get them in the sack with someone, which is also completely wrong. Showing sensitivity is supposed to happen at a later stage in the interaction, known as Rapport. Skipping the stage of attraction this way only gets you to one place – the friend zone.
Let’s look at an interaction, and break down all the little body language cues, for the sake of practical understanding.
In this picture, what do you feel when you first look at it? Who do you think is the chaser in this conversation? Let’s see here:
He’s facing her with his head.
Her shoulders are crunched up.
Her arms are crossed.
They’re both smiling.
You can’t really see their feet in this picture, but whatever. You get the idea. The minute you see an interaction you can easily see who the chaser is, a.k.a who’s investing more in the interaction, but you never really know why. You just kinda feel that way. When the body language cues are laid out, you can clearly see the differences.
Let’s look at another situation:
Here, the clues are laid out to you.
They’re making strong eye contact.
Their shoulders are faced to eachother.
They’re smiling at eachother.
Their heads are faced to eachother.
They’re sitting across from eachother.
In this example, you can feel it’s a much more friendly/romantic setting, with both of them feeling completely comfortable with the person next to them.
Finally, let’s look at a third situation.
You can see here, this guy is being chased. How do we know what?
The girls are facing him fully.
His shoulders are down and back, showing he’s calm, cool and collected.
They’re making the effort to engage eye contact.
As you can see from these examples, other people’s negative body language can change how a situation is feeled or percieved by those around us, and mastering how and when to give negative body language is the first step to becoming an attractive man. Looking at a formula for this, and how to use it, I suggest using negative body language in conjunction with positive tongue, e.g. saying positive things, while giving off negative body language. To give negative body language means to turn away slightly when talking to someone, making them chase you in a playful manner, and when using it with funny banter, it can be a very easy an fun way to spark attraction in girls. But remember, no matter how good you think your pick-up line, your routine, or whatever canned line you use, is, it will never work unless you’re giving off some type of negative body language.
Let’s look at basic examples of negative body language. Down there, as you might have noticed, are illustrations of the human body. We’ll use them as examples to break down usage of body language. To begin with, unlike dominant or submissive body language, negative and positive cannot be connected to certain hand positions, certain facial expressions and so on.
They’re simply turning in and out with your body from some major points in your body, those major points being:
Each of these components servers a purpose, and having them faced all towards a person, is giving them full-on positive body language. Having them all turned away from someone, shows full negative body-language. That’s just the bottom line, and that’s how it works on a subconcious level.
To finish this article off, I’m going to tell you exactly how and when to use which. If you’re approaching a girl, never give her full positive body language. The way you do it is, and not just with women, but in a business enviroment, is little by little, small stepping, shifting and so on. When you hear something you like, give them some of that positive BL. When they say something you find uninteresting, give them some negative BL. Make people earn it. Make people have an interest in chasing you.
In the end, would you really even want to talk to someone, who’s ready to give you his all? When you were little and worked hard towards a goal or trophy, did you really value it that much after you got it? Think about that, and until next time.
Peace out beast.