I decide to start this advice blog with a personal story. I believe the only way you can transfer your emotions and thoughts to someone else is by strongly believing in them, and I hope you, the reader, can benefit from the things that I have been through, because having the third person perspective of a situation can really help you break it down and understand it, and this is what I found out during (or after) my journey with my first girlfriend.
First things first, the relationship itself started in an odd way, so to better comprehend it, I’ll start from square one.
While browsing an anonymous chatting application, I stumbled upon a girl I knew very well, that I had a crush on for basically my entire 3 years of middle school. We used to talk, but nothing really came out of it. I remember having such moments of intense drama about whether or not this girl liked me, but my feelings, for a middle school kid, were really intense. I remember the first time she wrote to me- the moment I saw her typing, I spilled my macaroni all over my computer. Okay so back to stumbling upon her.
I started to, anonymously, ask her random questions, which later turned in to conversations, take notice she had no idea who I was, where I came from or anything else. I did reveal to her at one point that we went to middle school together, but nothing more than that, you know, until the point she actually found out who I was, about 2 months in.
I will spare small details, and get right into what I practically did and didn’t.
The first time, we dated no more than a month. It was by far the most passionate feeling I’ve ever had towards someone, and her breaking it off because we “lost our spark” wasn’t really doing it for me, so I continued chatting with her on a regular basis, with the intent of being “nothing more than friends”. I got that, I was okay with that. I got a chance, and I ruined it. I couldn’t really blame anyone but myself for that, but later on it got really interesting, to the point of her coming back to me several times, and looking back on it now, when I actually have knowledge of how attraction and seduction works, I really couldn’t blame her.
The thing with her was, we argued alot. And I’m not talking about the typical “we argue alot”. I mean really, daily, sometimes more than once a day, and even after her breaking up with me I knew she still had -something- for me, and my plan was to get it back! And did it work? Sure it did. After every single fight, we grew closer together, to the point of her cheating with me on her then boyfriend(which he found out about, by the way), which is a whole ‘nother story. It’s pretty hilarious, but I’ll keep it for a later post.
This arguing, going out, fucking and more arguing continued for almost a year, in which I think we grew up as people, and even after the constant problems, we were still happy together. Her friends didn’t really like me, which was a bummer. I couldn’t help it, and at the time, I didn’t really try to.
Now, let’s look at what I did right, and what I did wrong.
- Keeping it mysterious at the start.
Now, take notice that when I say “mysterious” I don’t mean I didn’t reveal anything about myself. She still went through the day knowing what I was doing, she knew what I liked, what I didn’t like, and I was always honest, for the exception that she didn’t know what my name is, and what I looked like. I believe this built on the idea of emotions over everything, which later, as we know, manifested itself as constant arguing. It isn’t good, it isn’t bad – it’s just different. And different = awesome.
- Emotional rollercoaster!
This is huge. This is probably the only thing that made the relationship work at times. The fact that this entire arguing, fighting and then making up again sparked her emotions in a way that nobody else could is what kept it alive. That’s what brought and kept the spark back there. When a guy can’t even spark any emotions in a girl, he’s doomed. She can love you, she can hate you, but if you don’t matter – that’s what shouldn’t happen.
- Something she never had…
This girl, basing on social standarts, was hot. I, basing on social standarts, wasn’t. You might think that’ll go against me, but in reality, she never really knew what it was like to be with a more introverted, shy, romantic guy. That part of me is something I decided to get rid of, atleast the negative parts of it, but to this day I’m living proof that the shy kid can get the girl.
- Letting her lead everything.
Believe me, I didn’t know better. To me, going out was her choosing where, when, and what. I just didn’t have it in me to be a guy who leads interactions and takes people on adventures, bringing them into his reality. Leading is a big part of this. It’s reinforcing the idea that you’re a fucking man who’s on top of his shit and wants to do things his way. I absolutely love that, and so do most people.
- Not getting along with her friends.
We didn’t get along. Not one bit. They, for the most part, hated me. I don’t blame them though, I wasn’t a guy who could keep it up with their lifestyles, and all the guys around her, who have been wanting to get in her pants for years and years, got punked by a shy kid. That sucks, for them. Something you have to understand, which I’ll totally cover in a later post, is that in every group of friends, everyone has their certain role, and getting a girl away from her friends means you can take on of every single one of those roles, so her subconcious doesn’t go “fuck this” and leave.
- Being stifled.
Even after so much time around her, I just couldn’t “let go” and just be myself. This is the main reason it just didn’t work out. I couldn’t get her to enter my reality, and experience me, the way I really am. The few moments I let my personality out, she absolutely loved it, but for the hell of me, I couldn’t to it most of the time. The whole idea of being yourself is something I really approve of, no matter how much it’s overused and taken out of context. Being yourself is being at your most attractive state, and that’s when you really express yourself in a way most people cannot.
So this about wraps it up. There are some more things to mention, like overthinking, or thinking she would never let me go, but I decided to keep it basic, for the sake of easy comprehension. I will never forget my first relationship. It served as a stepping stone for my learning in the journey of the dating world, and the girl I was with – I still respect her and her decisions to this day, I think she’s a very likeable person, and hey…
We’re both mature enough to still say “Hi.” to eachother when we meet!